I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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