I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
