Will you blow on my dice?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
