I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Ladies don't puke and tell
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize