Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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