Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
