I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
