Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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