She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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