Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
