you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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