I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I love having hate sex.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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