i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
