I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
