I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
