Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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