i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it was like eating out sand paper
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
