My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
