We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
