He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize