It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
