I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
