How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
