I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
