I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
