My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
