the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
