just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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