fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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