I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
