he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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