If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
