you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
