He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
