Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
