How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
