when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
