my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
