Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
