Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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