quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
