I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
