I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
