Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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