i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
