On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize