You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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