Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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