This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
