I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
