He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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