Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
