Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize