In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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