My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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