She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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