I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Pappa wants mamma naked
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
