I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
honey bunches of taint.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
