naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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