i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You have to summon your inner elephant
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
