Princesses don't give blow jobs
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
