It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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