I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
