Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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