I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
