if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
