My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
