sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize