yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
