She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
