He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
