right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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