i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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